Monday, September 19, 2005
Gym gyan

Couple of days ago i had posted this, stating my reason for not being able to join my nukkad ka gym. On the weekend, i was discussing the same with my very close friend who is a self-confessed fitness freak. Now this women has been slogging her butt at gym for more then two years...mind you she is not Tun Tun's sister..her goal is simple and that is 'to stay fit'.

She made me realise that 'fitness' is NOT the only reason why people choose to go there. In-short, our conversation changed my whole perception towards going to the 'Gym'.

According to her, Gyms are sort of like push-up bras: ridiculous in theory, but in practice, a total necessity. A gym is a room filled with people moving as fast as they can but staying in the same place, or lifting things over and over that always end up where they started off.

Going to the gym is like being transported to another world. A world that can be divided into two kinds of people: people who go the gym to work out, and people who go to the gym to hang out.

People who go to the gym to hang out : Can we be further classified into the following sub-categories.

1. The Gigglers - You have to train in the morning to notice this fine breed of gym goer. They are the guys and gals that just sit on the drinking machines sipping on their Latta carrying on a nice little conversation with their fellow drinkers while other are busting your butt. They will do 1 set every 10 minutes. They giggle at each other (isn't it fun to pretend we need to work out?!) as you slump on the weights.

2. The Puppy Paneers - Now this category basically comprises of high school kids. They join gym mostly under peer pressure, cause its considered 'cool' among their friends to be enrolled at a poshy gym. Some of them join the gym, after seeing how their girlfriend/boyfriend go ga ga over a particular movie star who has a HOT BOD.

3. The Two Goofballs - These are the two retards that pay for a membership to sit back and check out the chicks. You know the two guys who are buddies, with bodies that would make Rajpal Yadav look like Suneil Shetty, the ones who just take up gym space to oogle at the ladies.

4. The Actress Wannabe - All the men at the gym know who she is. She is the hottest girl in the gym but she is also the most annoying. She is the one that goes up to a guy with a 6 pack and a heavy wallet and asks "can you please come take these plates off the leg press, they are just too heavy for me". These girls will hog the weight benches but will not be lifting weights instead just moving around in cute ways to get boys to hit on them. They will be fooling around pretending to "stretch" by getting in their favorite sexual positions. Women whose husbands/boyfriends that fit under the above mentioned description...BEWARE !!

Similarly,

People who go to the gym to work out : Are also classified into the below mentioned sub-categories.

1. The Resolutioners/Short Term Goal Seekers - This category consists of all those people who flock to a gym right after new years because they made a resolution to get into shape. They make the gym so overcrowded that it becomes miserable just to train. They will spend a ton of money on gym clothes, membership, etc. and you will never see them in the gym after a couple of weeks. Some of them go to the gym with short term goals, wanna fit it a particular outfit that has to be worn at a close relative's or friend's wedding and girls who wanna lose certain kilos inorder to impress their friend's brother who is scheduled to return from overseas.

2. The Screamer - talk about annoying. This guy/gal doesn't accomplish anything in a gym but annoy the hell out of everybody. This is the guy/gal who is doing some squats and is screaming to the top of their lungs with each rep. The problem is it just doesn't stop there; they will do it for each exercise so others have to listen to their crap all night while training. They will scream like Linda Blair during their runs. Their enthusiasm is bound to give someone a heart condition.

3.The Personal Trainer wanna be - They are the ones who are a poor excuse for a physique with loads of unwanted advice. Always critiquing the way others are training and that their way is so much better. Mostly the new-comers are their favourite prey.

4.The Spandex Aunty - They are usually not a pretty sight to see. The aunty who really needs to loose about 75 more pounds before she tries to squeeze those 'tyres' into a tight fitting spandex pants or tides. They firmly believe that 'the dress should fit the body' and not the other way round.

5.The Fitness Freak - when they go to the gym the first thing they do is put fanny pack on, pull out their ipod and get in their own little world. You try talking to them and they will kick your butt. They simply do not like to be bothered when they are in their zone. They never look at anyone in the eye. Everyone avoids them until they are finished. Then as quickly as the all out assault started it is over. Then they come back to the real world and once again they are really nice folks, until the next time they train.

I am sure some of you gym-goers can relate to most if not all of the people I have written about. If you are one of these people and are offended by what I wrote, pls note that the above are not my views...i shall pass on my friend's email address, incase you decide to send her hate-mails.

And for the newbies, i hope this list assists you in identyfing the categories that you wish to avoid. As for me, well i think i will save up and go in for personal home trainer.

posted at 9/19/2005 08:25:00 PM | comments (5) | permalink

5 comments:

  1. Wow...this is really cool stuff and the classifications are so true to life! My Gym gyan just increased by leaps and bounds :-)
     — Blogger aparna, at 9/19/2005 11:58:00 PM 

  2. Saks
    Hilarious. I may be in one of those categories that you've described.
    Where do u fall in the gym classifications?
    Sourin
     — Blogger chappan, at 9/20/2005 05:07:00 PM 

  3. Aparna - I am happy that this has helped you... :)

    Chappan - Well as i mentioned in my post...i am saving up for a personal trainer to come and teach...but i do go a gym then will probably fall under THE RESOLUTIONERS/SHORT TERM GOAL SEAKERS.
     — Blogger Sakshi, at 9/22/2005 10:41:00 AM 

  4. ha ha! good stuff!
     — Blogger The ramblings of a shoe fiend, at 9/22/2005 04:32:00 PM 

  5. The suggestion to leave the fitness freaks alone is something I should have picked up earlier from my experiences.

    Good Stuff

    Loud chants
     — Blogger Loud Chants, at 9/30/2005 10:35:00 AM 

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