Saturday, September 03, 2005
Rules for Bollywood philums...
Keeping with the Bollwood theme. (this previous post on Bollywood)

I have noticed and i am sure most of you too must have also...that Hindi movies follow a certain tried and tested rules/patterns/formulas. Whether the movie has an original story (that would be a miracle), or is copied from some Hollywood or old Bollywood movie, or is just your regular boy meets girl story....these rules are applied some where or the other, even if they do not belong there.

These rules are applied by the Top guns of the Hindi movie industry such as Karan Johar, Ram Gopal Varma, Farhan Akhtar, etc...some are even directly responsible for inventing these formulas example Yash Chopra, Subhash Ghai, Raj Shri Productions, etc.

Here is a look at 'Bollywood Director's Handbook' , for some Maast Rules for Bollywood philoms: (Remember no Hindi movie is complete, without atleast one of the rule been stuffed into it.)

1) The hero will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when the heroine tries to cleanse his wounds.

2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3) Nothing is too tight for Manisha Koirala.

4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

5) For a rain sequence, the heroine has to be in a body hugging white outfit.

6) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

7) If there is rain, there has to be a song and dance routine. Even if it does not fit with the storyline.

8) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.

9) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.

10) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.

11) Hero's revollver will have atleast 20 to 30 bullets, even if the revollver can be loaded only with 6 bullets.

12) If the hero/heroine starts dancing in a field, everyone they bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.

13) It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - the villan and his clan will wait patiently to attack him one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until the hero has knocked his predecessors.

14) If faced with certain death, Hero does not panic. Merely chants, Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all is well.

15) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.

16) Heros with good body have to remove their shirts several times in the movie. No reason is necessary.

17) If casting a new actress, she will be seen in skimmpy outfits till interval.

18) If Maliaka Sherawat is in the movie, then a smooching/kissing scene is a must.

19) A sizzling Item song/dance number is absolutly essential.

*ps...Sagnik please do remember to insert some of these rules in your 'original' movie. :)
posted at 9/03/2005 11:49:00 AM | comments (2) | permalink

2 comments:

  1. very phunny....
     — Anonymous Rajiv, at 9/05/2005 12:58:00 PM 

  2. "It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - the villan and his clan will wait patiently to attack him one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until the hero has knocked his predecessors."

    haha you know I always wondered that too
     — Blogger gawker, at 9/07/2005 01:07:00 AM 

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